i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
