there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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