I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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