I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
