youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I think my moral compass just broke
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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