Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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