You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
