Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
