so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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