If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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