I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
