you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
