Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
