If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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