Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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