what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just blew my weed a kiss
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
