i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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