As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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