i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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