to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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