Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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