ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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