ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
