Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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