Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
the liver wants what the liver wants
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
