remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
