guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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