So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
