i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
