Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
