After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
