just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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