All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
