The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
