so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
