Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize