he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
