Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
