I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
