he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
