JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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