3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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