**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize