Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
