Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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