I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you told grandpa to call you daddy
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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