This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
