Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
is wine microwaveable?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
