also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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