So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
A bitchslap is in order.
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