I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
