Someone shit on the floor
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
