his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
