Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
