I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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