Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
