i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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