remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
