maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
