I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
areolas are like halos for boobs.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
