I wish i was in the wii world.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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