i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
