Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
