On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
