You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
