My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
