Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
