I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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