she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
